Next Halloween I am going to be Someone Who Has it All Figured Out. My costume will not be very apparent by my attire, but will be readily identifiable by my beaming confidence and winning attitude. People will approach me at [insert name of overhyped bar] and ask “Who are you?” to which I will reply “I am someone who knows exactly what they want in life and is heading towards those goals in a steady manner, which produces a lot of emotional comfort and joy. Thank you for asking.” *cue peaceful smile and release of dopamine*
I imagine some will find me smug, but I will interpret it as jealousy and awe of my decisiveness and apparent fulfillment. I also imagine that I too will be in awe of myself for I have never once experienced such a thing, but I've often read about it on LinkedIn profiles so I’m pretty sure it’s real.
There is probably one addition to my guise that could add a nice touch to my uniquely omniscient and fulfilled position and that is one of those “HI MY NAME IS:” name tag stickers. I am not sure what *exactly* I could put. I’m sure any of the following would do: “Your worst nightmare” “Everything you ever wanted and will never have” “Narcissist” “Put on planet earth to destroy your self-confidence and question EVERYTHING YOU KNOW’ etc… I think any of those would probably do the trick. And maybe one of those fancy blue ribbons dog owners win for Best in Show. There's something eerily accomplished about those so it fits.